Proverbs 19:26
A Son that Causeth Shame
A Son’s Cruel Treatment of His Parents
26a He that wasteth his father
1. Wasteth:
a. The primary meaning of the verb is to devastate or to destroy.
b. It was the term Jeremiah used to describe the utter devastation of the Temple.
c. To deal violently with, despoil, devastate, ruin, destroy, spoil.
d. This term is broad enough to include the ideas of robbing, mistreating, or assaulting, etc.
2. Wasting one’s own father.
a. This speaks of the utter depravity of man.
b. This is probably a grown son—certainly not a toddler or a fourth grader.
c. Solomon describes an extreme example of a son who is so depraved, that he tramples over the most intimate relationship he has ever known—his own parents… the ones who brought him into the world… and showered him with love and care.
d. From time to time we hear of “elderly abuse” in nursing homes. Workers mistreat the elderly—hitting them and stealing from them.
e. As despicable as that is, what Solomon describes is much worse. It’s one thing to do so to a total stranger, but to one’s own parents?
f. Any kind of crime or sin committed against a loved one is far worse than the same crime or sin committed against a stranger.
g. It is certainly far more painful to the victim of the crime if you were assaulted by your own son!
h. If someone broke into your house and robbed you, you would naturally be angry and upset.
i. But if you discovered that it was your son—or daughter—you would be more than upset. In addition to being upset and angry over the robbery, you would be CRUSHED by the fact that it was your son that did it.
j. How could he!? After all you’ve done for him. That’s not the way you brought him up.
k. How will you face family, friends, and neighbors when they find out it was your own son?
l. How humiliating and embarrassing if his picture appears in the paper…
m. Yes, it’s far worse if it is your own son.
3. We might think that Solomon is using hyperbole here… this sort of thing could never happen!
a. But it DOES happen.
b. Sons can become drunks or drug addicts… and end up stealing to support their habit. And what easier target than dad’s house? You know where everything is there… even the dog won’t bark at you there.
c. Some elder fathers, beginning to experience dementia, have had their bank accounts dry up because of a heartless son who took advantage of them.
d. Some aging, wealthy men have even been killed by a greedy ingrate of a son so that he might get his inheritance sooner…
e. As despicable as these things are, they DO happen.
f. Prov. 28:24 – In fact, they have been happening for many centuries. Solomon spoke of it a few thousand years ago… repeatedly!
26b And chaseth away his mother
1. Chaseth: Chase; drive away; put to flight.
2. The term is often used of chasing away enemies. But here is it used of a son chasing away his own mother!
3. It is not clear HOW she is driven away.
a. Perhaps it was left ambiguous to make it applicable in all kinds of situations.
b. Perhaps the evil behavior of a son drives his mother away from him… because she can’t bear to be in his presence… it is too painful for her.
c. It could refer to a rebellious son refusing to see his mother because she is always correcting him… and he doesn’t want to hear it any more.
d. Perhaps an evil son literally drives his mother off her own property… through treachery or deceit he takes over the estate…
e. One might envision a cruel son sending his mother away empty when she comes to him for help.
f. Mark 7:10-11 -Jesus spoke of this too!
g. Yes, children can be cruel to their own parents… and this is nothing new.
h. Don’t think that “some strange thing” has happened to you. It has been happening since Solomon’s day and before.
i. We hear a lot about child abuse nowadays. But parent abuse and elderly abuse are issues that we should not ignore either. The Bible says a lot about this.
Respect for Parents Is a Serious Issue in the Bible
1. It’s hard to imagine something crueler (in the words of Jacob) than for a child to “bring down their gray hairs with sorrow to the grave.” (Gen.42:38)
2. Prov. 20:20 – Solomon even had to speak about children cursing their parents.
3. Ex. 20:12 – This was a violation of the fifth commandment.
4. Ex. 21:17 – It was punished by the death penalty. That should tell us how seriously God takes this matter.
5. II Tim. 3:2 – The last days:
a. Paul warns us that in the last days, disobedience to parents will be even more prevalent.
b. Without natural affection… chasing his own mother away…
c. Unthankful – the son Solomon describes is the ultimate in a self centered ingrate!
d. Of course these traits have existed for many centuries… since the fall of man. However, Paul says that there will be an INCREASE of this kind of behavior in the last days.
6. Children should TAKE CARE of their aging parents.
a. II Cor. 12:14 – For the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children…
• Parents take care of the children when they are young.
• Parents lay up for them… they provide food, clothing, shelter, etc. They salt away some money for school for them.
• They do so out of love and natural affection.
• Kids are unable to take care of themselves. God designed the home… and parents.
b. I Tim. 5:4 – Requite their parents = Take care of them by paying them back for the many years of sacrifice the parents endured in bringing them up.
c. There is a natural cycle here:
• Parents lay up for their children.
• Children take care of aging parents.
• Parents die and leave their estate to their children.
• Those children thus have some resources to bring up the next generation.
• It is a natural cycle of natural affection… family members taking care of one another at various stages of life… when help is needed.
d. Our proverb tonight takes note of the fact that that cycle of natural affection is sometimes broken by cruel and heartless children.
e. There is nothing new under the sun.
f. I Tim. 5:8 – If anyone allows his “own” (flesh and blood) to go without the basic provisions of life, he is worse than an infidel.
• One who breaks this natural cycle by refusing to help his own flesh and blood is worse than an unbeliever.
• It is not a good testimony.
• Unfortunately, it happens all too often.
• Some sons waste their fathers and chase away their mothers. That is NOT the way it ought to be.
THE RESULT
1. Shame – Ashamed; be disconcerted; be disappointed; have a painful feeling and emotional distress (sometimes to the point of despair); humiliation.
2. Reproach – Ashamed, be confounded, be in a state of low status and dishonor; disgraced.
3. These two terms are virtual synonyms.
a. The behavior of the son Solomon describes produces great shame and disgrace.
b. What is interesting is that which Solomon doesn’t SAY. He doesn’t say WHO is shamed or reproached.
4. It could be the parent’s fault, but not necessarily.
a. It may NOT be his parent’s fault at all.
• He might have other siblings that treat their parents well… who are also grieved over his behavior.
• The parents may have trained him well, but he chose to go down another path… a path of ruin and destruction.
• That’s not his parent’s fault.
• Of course if his parents neglected him and abused him, then they share in the blame too.
• But Solomon gives no hint whatsoever that this is the parent’s fault here. Solomon blames the son.
• Many godly fathers have had sons whose behavior was a grief to them. (Eli; David; Samuel)
vii. Unfortunately, this is a common experience of life. It has been a common theme in Proverbs.
b. The son has really brought shame and disgrace upon himself.
• He has violated the natural laws of family behavior… He has violated the moral laws of God… He has violated the normal obligations of a child to his parents…
• It is gross ingratitude… inhuman behavior…
• It is selfish to the nth degree.
c. He has also brought disgrace to his society…
• Society should not tolerate such behavior. It is degrading… and abases the whole land.
• That’s why the Law of Moses required children to HONOR their mother and their father.
• If the family isn’t strong, then the nation isn’t strong.
d. He has brought shame and disgrace to his parents…
• Even if it is NOT the parent’s fault, they feel it most.
• When parents are mistreated by their own flesh and blood, it is painful.
• Prov. 17:21 – “He that begetteth a fool doeth it to his sorrow: and the father of a fool hath no joy.”
• A foolish child (son or daughter) robs parents of their joy.
• Many an aging parent has gone to the grave in sorrow because of the shameful way their own children treated them…
5. The child who wastes his father or chases away his mother brings shame and reproach.
a. This is a good warning to the young children to APPRECIATE what your parents do for you.
b. This is a good reminder to older, adult children to take care of your aging parents.
c. Natural affection will keep this natural cycle going as God intended.