Friends Rebuke Openly

1. Friends REBUKE one another.

a. Rebuke: Chasten; correct; punish; inflict a just penalty; reprove.

b. Why would a friend rebuke us?
• Prov. 15:10 – “Correction is grievous.” Why would a friend cause us grief?
• Ps. 39:11-12 – “When thou with rebukes dost correct man for iniquity, thou makest his beauty to consume away like a moth: surely every man is vanity. Selah.” Why would a friend want to expose all that?

2. Friends rebuke OPENLY.

a. “Open” is defined as: Made known; uncovered; revealed; laid bare; exposed.

b. In other words, a friend will uncover and reveal to his friend an area that needs correction or rebuke.

c. He won’t cover it up. He won’t pretend he doesn’t see it.

d. But is that a friend? Does a friend openly expose my failures? Shouldn’t a friend look the other way… ignore my faults and like me for who I am?

e. Who wants a friend who keeps on pointing out all my failures? Who wants a friend who holds up my failures before my face?

f. What kind of a friend is that? Is that really a friend? It sounds like an enemy.

Friends Wound Deeply

1. Friends WOUND.

a. Wound: To bruise; a wound inflicted usually by a strike; a physical and sometimes emotional injury.

b. Ex. 21:25 – “Burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.”
• This term for wound is used two times in this passage.
• It speaks of a physical wound inflicted on an innocent man and the punishment for that crime is a physical wound inflicted on the criminal.

2. It is natural to think of one who inflicts a wound as an enemy and certainly not a friend.

a. Striking someone and inflicting a wound does not sound like a friendly gesture.

b. One might immediately think, “I get enough bruises from my enemies. I don’t expect that from my friends! I want support from my friends.”

c. But Solomon states that sometimes friends do inflict wounds.

d. It is likely that he had in mind verbal and emotional wounds.

3. As antithetical as it may sound, friends do rebuke and inflict wounds.

It’s Better than Secret Love

1. Friends rebuke for the good of his friend.

a. When a friend is engaged in sin or is going in the wrong direction, it always puts his friends in an awkward position: should I rebuke him openly or should I just keep quiet?

b. What should a true friend do? A true friend will want that which is best for his friend (love)…

c. Solomon says that it is better to openly rebuke than to demonstrate a silent, secret “love” and say nothing.

d. Ps. 141:5 – True friends rebuke and when done in love it is like an excellent oil – a sweet smelling ointment.

2. True friendship and real love will stick out its neck to help a friend.

a. Prov. 13:18 – “Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction: but he that regardeth reproof shall be honoured.”
• A friend rebukes because he doesn’t want his friend to experience poverty or shame.
• He wants his friend to be honored instead.
• Sometimes, a rebuke is necessary to correct a friend for his own good.
• A good friend will stick his neck out for a friend and rebuke when he deems it will be beneficial for his friend.

b. Prov. 15:5 – “A fool despiseth his father’s instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent.”
• A friend (like a father who loves his son) rebukes because he knows that it will cause the one rebuked to be the wiser for it.
• That is love; that is a true friend.
• Prov. 15:31 – “The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise.”

c. Prov. 15:32 – “He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding.”
• A friend wants his friend to gain understanding.
• A friend doesn’t want his friend to continue on in ignorance… and to have everyone think of him as being ignorant.
• Politicians hire people to listen to their speeches and correct their mistakes: mispronounced words; incorrect grammar; etc.
• It is an act of friendship for a carpenter to correct another carpenter’s incorrect adjustment of a tool. It is to his benefit to be corrected. It might even save him from a serious accident.

d. Correction is an act of friendship because it is a great help and benefit to the one corrected.

3. It is better than secret love.

a. “Secret love” stands in direct contrast to “open rebuke.”

b. Secret: To cover up; hide; conceal.

c. A friend exposes our shortcomings and faults.

d. Another friend might cover them up… and do so out of what he calls “love.”
• That friend might say to himself, “I don’t want to hurt his feelings; he might get angry at me if I let him know that there is egg on his face.”
• Of course, there are times when love covers a multitude of sins and will not expose them.
• But this proverb states that there are also times when it is not really the best expression of love to hide them. A true friend will rebuke them openly and expose them.
• If your friend has a problem with alcohol, it does not help him to pretend you don’t notice. Covering up the problem is not beneficial for your friend.
• It might save YOU the difficulty of bringing it up; but it won’t be good for your friend.
• Love sacrifices self for the good of others.

e. Solomon states that the friend who exposes the fault and corrects his friend is BETTER than the friend who hides his fault.

It’s Better than the Kisses of an Enemy

1. Here the contrast is between a wound and a kiss. Solomon says that the wound is better!

a. Again, it sounds like the opposite of what one might usually think.

b. When asked, “Would you rather receive a wound and a bruise or a kiss?” – Most would probably choose the kiss.

c. Note also the contrast between the friend and the enemy… and the implied contrast between the “genuine” wound and the “deceitful” kiss.

2. Friends sometimes wound their friends for their good.

a. Prov. 20:30 – “The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly.”

b. A wound can have a beneficial effect—like cleansing.

c. If a friend is involved in an immoral relationship, you may need to wound him—hurt his feelings by openly rebuking him for it.

d. If it results in a cleansing effect and it saves two marriages, then it was worth sticking your neck out for.

3. The wound of a friend for your own good truly is far better than the deceitful kiss of an enemy. (deceitful = profuse; many; multiplied – obviously for the purpose of deceiving)

a. Things are not always as they appear.

b. An enemy might appear to be a friend with his “kisses” (outward or verbal show of affection) when he is not a friend but is a hidden enemy.

c. On the other hand, a friend might appear to be an enemy when he wounds you, but he is not an enemy. He is a true friend.

d. Rebukes and wounds are sometimes expressions of true love and friendship while smiles, kisses, flattery, and hugs may actually be expressions of hatred and enmity.

e. The hugs and kisses of an enemy may make us feel good but they are not good for us—an enemy does not have our best interest in mind.

f. Things are not always as they appear at first.

g. Don’t be bamboozled by the outward, warm, gushy expressions of so called love; and don’t become angry at the seemingly cold and hard wounds of a friend.

h. I would much prefer to have my enemies be honest and let me know that they hate me rather than shower on the phony expressions of love.

i. When a person is going astray to his own harm (either physically or spiritually) he doesn’t need flattery and kisses. He needs a sharp, stern rebuke. That is best for him. That is love – true friendship.