Children, Obey Your Parents

1. We have been looking at Paul’s exhortations to all in a Christian household.

2. First he addressed the wives, and then the husbands.

3. Now he addresses the children.

4. Paul gave one main command to each:

a. Wives: submit

b. Husbands: love

c. Children: obey

5. Following God’s simple instructions is the key to a happy, healthy home.

a. When these exhortations are followed, things run smoothly at home.
• Or at least as smoothly as possible in a sin-cursed earth.
• When everything is in its place and functioning as designed, the Christian home should function well.

b. When something is OUT of line, then things do not run well.
• Even when everyone IS doing their best to obey these exhortations, problems can and do arise. Obedience does not guarantee that the sun will always shine.
• But when the chain of command is broken at any point, turmoil is sure to follow… whether it is an unloving husband, a non-submissive wife, or a disobedient child.
• At each link, there is the potential for serious family problems.
• If any one link gets out of line, the whole chain is broken and it affects the whole household.
• Therefore, when the family isn’t functioning properly, always come back to these simple commands for realignment… like going to a chiropractor for an adjustment!

c. And children are an important link in that chain.

d. The fact that Paul addresses the children indicates that they were considered a PART of the local assembly in Colossae.

The Command to the Children: Obey

A. Obey: The Term Defined – ὑπακούω

1. ὑπακούω – Literally: “to hear under”…

a. The idea was that of hearing and putting oneself under the authority of that which was heard.

b. It thus came to men to hearken, and thus to obey… to hear and respond in obedience.

c. Acts 12:13 – the damsel came to “hearken” – to respond to what she heard.

d. Matt. 8:26-27 – the winds and waves heard the voice of God and responded to what they heard.

e. Children are to “hear under” – to listen and hear their parents, and put themselves under the authority of their parents.

2. Present, active, imperative:

a. Present: the verb tense indicates continuous action.

b. Imperative: the mood indicates that it is a command—not a suggestion!

c. Active: the verb voice indicates that it is the responsibility of the child to carry out this order. He is not to sit around and wait until obedience descends upon him from on high and he FEELS like obeying.

d. A child ought to BE obedient in heart… a submissive spirit.
• It should not simply be what he does when given a command.
• But it should be an ongoing attitude out of which obedient behavior arises. Active, outward obedience should arise from that kind of an inward attitude.

3. The Subject: children

a. The word for children here speaks not of age, but of relationship. (teknon).

b. Hence, it would refer to anyone living under the roof of their parents and are still dependent upon them.

c. In other words, this includes teenagers too… though we don’t call teenagers “children” in modern English in America.

d. But the term Paul uses DOES include teens.

e. All those born into a family—or adopted into a family—and are living under the roof of those parents are expected to obey.

4. This term OBEY is different from submission, the term used of the wife.

a. The wife is to submit (place under; arrange under).
• Hupotasso (submission) speaks of placing self under the authority of another.
• This speaks of the fact that a wife is to willingly place herself in her God given role… under the authority of her husband.
• A Christian wife is to submit to her husband.
• But if she doesn’t, it is not up the husband to MAKE her submit.
• The husband is not to subjugate his wife. The Lord will have to deal with her on that!

b. The term used of children (obey) is much different.
• This term is stronger and is more absolute.
• The child is to obey his parents… period.
• He is to listen and respond.
• And the parents are to see to it that the child DOES obey.
• There are no commands to the husband to MAKE his wife submit.
• But there are many commands to the parents to MAKE the child obey… for the good of the child, the family, the church, and society in general.
• That’s where discipline comes in.
• But the child’s responsibility is to obey.
• It is NOT the child’s right to choose whether he WANTS to obey or not.

5. Different terms used

a. Prov. 1:8 – “hear” – similar to the verb in Col. 3:20 – hearken and thus obey. He will not forsake.

b. Prov. 6:20 – “keep” thy father’s commandments. (keep: guard, to keep, to observe)

c. Prov. 7:1 – “lay up” my commandments. (hide away; protect; treasure)

d. Prov. 7:3 – bind them and write them on the tables of your heart. (They are not to be treated lightly… but valued… and treasured for the gems that later on in life they will prove to be!)

e. Deut. 27:16 – the opposite is seen here… (Treating an important issue lightly.)

f. Prov. 13:1 – A wise son heareth his father’s instruction.

g. A foolish son will hear with one ear, and it will go right out the other ear. And there are consequences for that.

h. But a wise son will hear… and will increase learning.

B. Honor Thy Mother and Thy Father

1. Eph. 6:2 – HONOR thy mother and thy father.

a. Honor defined:
• Honor, to fix a price on, to value, esteem, revere.

b. It is a broad term.
• It is sometimes used as a virtual synonym for obedience. (We honor his wishes by carrying them out.)
• Obedience is an expression of honor.
• But honor goes beyond the outward action to the inward attitude of the heart.
• As the wife is to submit to her husband and to show respect, the child is to obey both of his parents and to show reverence or respect… to honor them.
• If a child truly honors his parents, then they will VALUE them… and VALUE their words… their advice, their counsel, their care, concern, and all the thousands of other things they do for them…

c. That will be translated into obedience in the practical realm.
• If a child truly honors his parents, then he will obey.
• Obedience is to be carried out in the spirit of respect and honor.
• Obedience is to arise out of the esteem given to parents for who they are…
• It is possible for a child to obey the command a parent gives without showing any respect or honor to that parent.
• It is possible for a child to obey without having a submissive heart. (The child who was told to sit down was forced to sit down… but he thought to himself, “I’m sitting on the outside but I’m still standing on the inside!”)
• It is possible (and happens often) for a child to obey a command given by his parents, but to do so with a ROTTEN attitude.

d. The command to HONOR one’s parents adds a whole new dimension to obedience.
• This speaks not just of action (doing the deed) but attitude (the spirit in which the deed is done).
• And that will affect the whole atmosphere of the household, for good!
• It is possible for a child to obey the command, and to do so grumbling, murmuring, complaining, and souring the air.
• Or, a child can obey, with a right attitude: giving honor unto his parents.
• If the child truly HONORS his parents, then obedience will come quite easily.
• If there is no honor, obedience will be a struggle.
• The inward attitude of honor and respect will change the whole dynamic of obedience: easy vs. battle; bitter vs. sweet.

Parental Authority

A. Parents

1. Children are the norm in most Christian homes. (Gen. 1:28)

a. Marriage and childbearing were part of God’s original design… before sin entered the world.

b. God’s plan was to populate the earth with the offspring of Adam and Eve.

c. Most marriages result in children… but not all.

d. Children are a blessing to the Christian home. They are to be desired. (Psalm 127:3).

2. God sovereignly arranged for your parents to BE your parents.

a. It was God’s choice to cause you to be born or brought up in the home you are in today.

b. No one chooses what family to be brought up in. That choice is made FOR us… and it was by God’s sovereign design.

c. And as parents, it was God’s sovereignty that brought your child (that particular individual or individuals) into YOUR home.

d. God made all of these arrangements before the foundation of the earth.

e. The children you have are just the souls God wanted you to have… and to train… and to work with…

f. And kids, the parents you have are just the ones God wanted you to have.

g. So get used to each other! It is a long-term arrangement. It is not eternal, but long term… as far as this life is concerned.

3. Children NEED parents.

a. God sovereignly arranged for children to have parents because for the first couple of decades, a child is not competent to make right decisions for himself.

b. There are very few creatures that are born more dependent upon their parents than human children. What could be more helpless than a day old human baby?

c. Children NEED parents for a long time after birth—whether they want to admit it or not.
• They need them for food, clothing, shelter, protection…
• They need parents to teach them to talk, walk, and learn about the world in which they live.
• They need parents to teach them about the Lord and the way of salvation.
• They need parents to show them the right way to go and to warn them of the wrong way… a worthy walk.

d. Parents usually decide that which is BEST for a child.
• No one loves a child more than his parents. This is all by design.
• Whether they are saved or not, a parent is naturally going to care for a child. (A few exceptions…)
• Parents are better at making decisions than the kids.

e. When children get a little older, they begin to THINK that they are competent to make decisions for themselves, but they are not.
• Usually, wisdom comes with age.
• God gives young children into the hands of parents—who are obviously older and wiser.
• Children are born with zero experience or wisdom. They NEED their parents. And parents need God’s wisdom. (0ver 300 sermons on God’s wisdom in prayer meeting!)

4. The term “Parents” is Plural. (Col.3:20)

a. This is the norm for a Christian home—regardless of what our society says. (Of course there are exceptions to this – death, divorce, etc.) But the norm is still the norm.

b. This means that the child is to obey BOTH his mother and his father.

c. The husband and wife are referred to by God as “one flesh.” In a sense, a married couple is like ONE person.

d. When they speak to their children it ought to be as ONE person giving ONE command.

e. This means that mom and dad need to be on the same page when giving instruction to a child.

f. What is a child to do when this is NOT the case?
• Dad says be home at 10:00 and mom says at 8:30.
• Dad says don’t take the car but mom says it’s ok.
• Mom says “Don’t wear that skirt. It’s too short.” Dad says, “It’s ok honey, you can wear it.”
• That is confusing to a child and is worse than no instruction at all!
• Sometimes that happens because of a lack of communication. That is easily resolved. Talk!
• But sometimes it happens because mom and dad refuse to get on the same page.
• It is a good idea for parents—husbands and wives—to get together and THINK AHEAD of the kids of issues that are coming… and come up with a mutually agreeable way to deal with those issues…
• Ex: music, TV, what to wear, church ministry, driving the car, how late to stay out, boy/girl issues, money, homework, fads, right crowd/wrong crowd, etc.
• Plan ahead on how to deal with issues before they arise and take you by surprise!
• And be united in your approach.

g. Paul says that the child is to obey his parents!
• One flesh that ought to be speaking with one voice.
• Nothing is more confusing and frustrating than getting conflicting signals.
• If children are going to obey their parents as God commands them to… the parents need to be sending forth ONE clear command.
• The term “parents” is plural—but they should speak with one voice.

B. Parental Authority

1. The fact that God expects children to OBEY their parents implies a God-given parental authority.

a. The parents are part of God’s chain of authority.

b. God created a world of law and order… designed to have everything in its place.

c. And in the affairs of men, God has instituted order.

d. Eph. 5:21- 6:5
• Vs. 21 does not mean that every Christian is to submit to every other Christian.
• The idea of mutual submission results in chaos for any system that requires order.
• Imagine if mutual submission and obedience was the rule of life in the army!?! (If every soldier had to submit to or obey every other soldier! Rank is gone… and so is the order!)
• Rather, Paul uses vs. 21 as a topic heading for what he is about to outline in the following passages.
• For things to be in proper order, submission to one’s God’s given role is necessary. So Paul gives three examples of WHERE submission is practiced:
» Eph. 5:22 – wives obey/submit to your husband.
» Eph. 6:1 – children obey/submit to your parents.
» Eph. 6:5 – servants, obey/submit to your masters.

e. Part of this chain of divine authority is the responsibility of children to obey their parents.

f. Other links include teachers, police, judges, senators, presidents, etc… all authorities are the “powers of God.”

g. A child who learns to submit to the authority of his parents in the home, will most likely learn to submit to authority elsewhere as well.
• The lack of respect and obedience young people demonstrate in school to the government is usually a reflection of a lack of respect and obedience in the home.
• Children are to be trained to obey their parents in the home in hopes that they will learn to obey God later in life.
• A child that is disobedient to a parent CANNOT be obedient to God, for God said, “Children obey your parents!”

h. God’s chain of authority is not to be questioned, debated, or contested. It is to be obeyed.
• Hence, a command from a parent is not to be the beginning of an argument, a debate or lengthy questioning.
• A command should be the end of the debate.
• Obedience means obedience.
• There is one in the position of authority and one in the position of obedience or submission to authority.
• And when everything is in its proper place, the home runs smoothly.

2. Parental authority is to be executed in LOVE and grace.

a. The husband has authority over his wife. But headship does not mean dictatorship. It is to be characterized by Christlike, self sacrificing, love!

b. The parents have authority over their children too. But that authority is also to be characterized by Christlike, self sacrificing, love!

c. That is the KEY to a happy home.

The Extent: In All Things

A. All Things Means All Things

1. When a parent gives a command, the child is expected to obey.

a. There is not a lot of wiggle room in this command either.

b. Present tense = all the time; all things = all-inclusive! They are to continually obey all the time and in all things!

c. There are no days off. There are no private areas where they don’t have to obey. ALL things.

2. If a child only obeys when he WANTS to obey, he is not obedient. He is self-willed.

a. If a child obeys only when it is convenient, or if he feels like it, or if he agrees with the command, then he is not obedient!

b. Even if he obeys 95 % of the time because he is in agreement. It is that other 5% that really matters. That’s where self will manifests itself… and needs to be dealt with.

c. Obedience is really tested in those areas where the child does NOT want to obey. That’s the true test of his heart.

3. ALL things really means all things!

a. Of course a parent is to see to it that his child obeys God first and foremost… that he obeys the Bible.

b. But obedience also includes all matters relating to his meal times, school, chores around the house, dress code, diet, family standards, what they can watch on TV, what they can listen to, right down to brushing his teeth!

c. ALL things implies both the easy and the difficult… both the things he enjoys doing and the things he does not enjoy doing.

d. It is not up to the child to pick and choose which commands to obey.

e. This is not an occasional obedience, but a continual obedience.

f. The child may not see the point; they may not see the good; they may not see the purpose; they may not see the value; but they are to obey anyways!

g. It may seem unnecessary or unreasonable to the child; it may not make sense to them, but they are to obey nonetheless.

h. They might complain with great ferocity that it is cruel and inhuman to expect them to clean up their room. They may appeal to the Geneva Convention… but they are to obey.

4. Of course, a child is NOT to obey if their parents order them to do something immoral or illegal. (shoplifting; marijuana; etc.)

a. Acts 5:29 – obey God.

b. Eph. 6:1 – “in the Lord.”

c. Matt. 10:34-35 – sometimes faith in Christ causes a child to be at variance with their parents. They must obey God rather than men in those situations. (Cf. vs. 37)

d. This would be the case in a Muslim country today… or even in an American household where the parents have an inordinate hatred for Christianity.

e. But this is a rare event… especially in this country.

f. The norm remains: Children, obey your parents!

The Motive: This is Well Pleasing to the Lord

1. Keep in mind that these are instructions to a Christian household.

a. The Lord is well pleased when Christian parents train their children properly… and the children respond in obedience.

2. Well pleasing

a. This term means acceptable; well pleasing.

b. Except for one exception, this term is used exclusively of God’s attitude towards human behavior.

c. Eph. 5:10 – (“Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord”) we are to prove all things to be sure that they are well pleasing to the Lord.

d. Here is one thing we KNOW is well pleasing! Well-trained, disciplined, orderly, obedient children!

e. God delights in that.

f. And what a TESTIMONY a well-adjusted Christian family can be in their little circle of influence!
• There are families all around us who are hurting more than you might now. Many of them are LOOKING for help…
• Husbands and wives on the brink of divorce…
• Children out of control…
• What a testimony for them to see how a family filled with the Spirit of God functions! That’s refreshing!
• There is something very appealing about that… and it attracts attention to our Savior.
• It brings GLORY to Him. It HONORS Him. It gives evidence that Christianity really works!
• I would encourage you to invite your unsaved neighbors into to your homes… in homes of sharing the gospel to them!
• Your kids are a big part of that testimony… IF they are encouraged to obey their parents in all things.
• There are thousands of families who would LOVE to know HOW your family works… what an opportunity to present the gospel!
• A Christian family with well-adjusted, obedient children is a wonderful WITNESS for Christ in the community.

3. This is the proper motive for a child to obey: because it is well pleasing to His heavenly Father.

a. Even if your child is not yet saved, God is pleased with his obedience…

b. God delights in seeing homes that follow the pattern He designed for the world…

c. It is a reflection of God’s glory built into His creation…

d. God is pleased that His Word and His name are being honored in a home where there is at least one testimony for Christ.

e. Teach your children as soon as they learn words that God is well pleased when they obey their parents.

f. Children DO get pleasure out of pleasing their parents.
• When a child obeys and he SEES that it pleases his parents (because his parents are sensible enough to praise him for good behavior)… it encourages the child to more good behavior.
• Probably nothing Jesus ever heard during His earthly ministry was more encouraging to His heart than to hear His heavenly Father say, “This is My Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.”
• The Son pleased the Father. And the Son Himself was DELIGHTED in pleasing the Father!
• God the Father wasn’t shy about letting His Son know that He was Beloved… and that He pleased His heavenly Father!
• Earthly fathers would do well to follow that pattern! What an encouragement AND incentive to our kids to obey and do that which is right!
• That child needs to know that obedience not only pleases mom and dad, more importantly, it pleases God.
• What a wonderful thing: a little child can please the eternal Creator of heaven and earth by a simple act of obedience!
• When that truth sinks in to the head and heart of a child, then pleasing his parents and pleasing God ends up pleasing the child… and it stirs up an appetite for doing right… so that doing right becomes enjoyable.

4. What do WE often use as the MOTIVE or incentive to get a child to obey?

a. We usually use the threat of the rod! Punishment! Fear of being spanked.

b. Maybe next time we can look at DISOBEDIENCE and what the Bible says to DO about it.

c. But the rod is not God’s incentive for obedience. It is rather a disincentive or a deterrent for disobedience.

d. But in Col. 3:20 Paul is speaking about OBEDIENCE.

e. God says, “Children, obey your parents FOR this is well pleasing to the Lord!”

f. This he mentions as the incentive for obedience is “pleasing the Lord!” (Do it, FOR!!!)

g. It puts a big smile on God’s face! That’s what we ought to tell our children! God is really happy when you obey! Kids can easily understand that.

h. This is a very POSITIVE incentive.

i. It is simple, yet profound!

j. And kids need to know and see that WE too are happy when they obey!

5. Eph. 6:1 – for it is RIGHT.

a. Here Paul gives children another POSITIVE incentive to obey: it is right!

b. When Paul speaks of obedience here (as in Col. 3) he doesn’t even mention the rod.

c. He mentions the GOOD aspects of doing good things!

d. It pleases God! It is right!

e. Vs. 3 – it may be WELL with thee!

f. Of course it is healthy to have a fear of the rod, a fear of punishment, and a fear of wrath. There is a place for that.

g. But that is NOT God’s incentive to obedience.

h. It is good to obey one’s parents because you fear being punished.

i. It is far better to obey one’s parents because you love them and genuinely want to please them… and because you know it is the RIGHT thing to do!

j. God delights in that kind of motivation.

k. Love is what makes it all work out in the home! And love is the fruit of the Spirit.

l. Eph. 5:18 – this whole section FLOWS out of that theme!

m. Children need to be ENCOURAGED to do what is right… to obey their parents… and for the right reasons.

n. When a child SEES that his father and mother are truly DELIGHTED in their good behavior today, that is motivation to want to obey them tomorrow!

o. When a child learns that his Heavenly Father is DELIGHTED in his good behavior today (because dad and mom are drilling it in!), that will motivate him to obey tomorrow… “FOR” this is well pleasing to the Lord.

6. Now there is a NEGATIVE side to all this. Children do not always obey!

a. Very often children tend to disobey.

b. One of the first words all kids seem to learn in any language in any country is NO! Nyet! Nien!

c. Paul gives basically three simple commands in each of these “family” sections in Ephesians and Colossians.

d. And he gives only positive incentives here—because his purpose is to speak of a child’s responsibility: obey.

e. Obedience IS positive.

f. Everything Paul mentions concerning obedience is positive in these chapters: obey FOR — it will be WELL with thee; it is RIGHT; God will be well PLEASED.

g. Virtually all the books I read on the subject spoke of the roles in family as such: fathers love; wives submit; but instead of children obey… they wrote of discipline.

h. An important part of child rearing in the Bible sections on the family roles is ENCOURAGEMENT to obey!

i. We are quite out of balance if we emphasize the negative and forget to encourage them to obey… and to show pleasure in their obedience… and to demonstrate to them the VALUE of obedience… and the REWARDS of obedience…

j. Human nature being what it is, we would be grossly misstating the subject if we left here… without mentioning the other very real possibility: disobedience and what God’s Word says about that. Next week, Lord willing.

IF YOU ARE NOT BORN AGAIN…

1. You need to become a son of God.
2. But that does not come about by OBEYING commands.
3. It is ours by FAITH… not by obedience or works! (John 1:12)